Marriage or not

Posted by devadmin |

Cultural differences you need to learn before going into a cross cultural relationship

( part one )

Multicultural Australian society provides opportunities for people to find a partner from a different background. While this is exotic and exciting, there are challenges involved.  I am listing some differences regarding values, outlooks and life styles between average Australians and people from other cultures such as Asians, Middle Eastern and Indians. If you want to have a partner from a different background, you need to prepare yourself to accept these differences.

For most Asians, Middle Eastern, Indians, marriage is still the primary form of relationship, even after they divorce. Whilst many divorced Australians do not think marriage is essential. Some never married young Australians also hold that idea. They are happy to live together without marriage certificate. For middle aged singles, especially over 50, companionship becomes a popular form of relationship. Both party will live in separate homes, just spend time with each other regularly or randomly. They also remain financial independence.  

Two stories:

Dave was sitting in front of me at my office with a face full of disappointment and loss, after I told him that Asian girls are seeking marriage and a family. Dave is a 39yo Aussie, very passionate about finding an Asian partner. He contacted me several times, sent me a few photos of him hugging different girls, dressed up like a transvestite, tattoos all over his body… after I viewed his photos, I tried to discourage him from coming to see me. However he was persistent. To honour his enthusiasm, I met him.  I said to him that he is so outgoing, no shortage of girls, why he still needed me as a matchmaker. He said he has Aussie friends, but he wants an Asian girl. He is a good looking guy, who has never been married, doesn’t believe in marriage or having a family.  He told me those girls in the pictures all have boyfriends. I told him, there was no chance he could be accepted by average Asian girls from our list, because his life style was too opposite from average Asian culture. Asian guys don’t do those things: holding other guys’ girlfriends, dressed as transvestites, tattoos all over… I explained there are exceptions, of course, some very westernized Asians who will do those. However they as a person would not be any different from an Aussie apart from physical features.  I showed him some Asian girls’ profiles where the criteria field of “ Marriage “ is all ticked. Dave sank back into the chair, gazing into the ceiling in silence. He left finally saying to me: I will come back to you if one day I want to marry and have a family.

Maryam, an Iranian woman, met an Egyptian guy Chris. She was reasonably new to Australia, and he was raised up here, basically was Aussie. They were both divorced with a child. Relationship started like house on fire. Two months later, problem came. She wanted spend more time than what he could afford. His idea was to have a happy relationship without marriage again, whilst she wanted to marry and have baby NOW. Even though he told her clearly he did not want to marry, she seemed not taking it as a possibility. With personality clashes added, the relationship carried on with her furious temper which finally ended when his tolerance drained.

If you want to have a relationship that fits into your comfort zone, or if you do not want to work hard, you’d better choose a partner who shares your values which primarily decided by your upbringing.

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