Check out your relationship habit – One of the wrong reasons people get into relationships which tend to fail:
Dependent relationships – To Avoid growing up
Recommended reading: Are you the one for me? (-by Barbara De Angelis)
Some people get into relationships not because they are ready to share the fullness of their own life with someone but because they want to be taken care of. These men and women are trying to avoid growing up, so they find partners who will play “Mommy” and “Daddy” roles for them. These relationships are not about learning and growing together – they are about dependence. You may be or used to be in this kind of relationships when:
- There is a big age difference between you and your partner.
- There is a big difference in the financial and professional success of you and your partner.
- There is a big contrast in the life experience level of you and your partner.
- One partner is always looking to the other for help and advice.
In these relationships you convince yourself you are in love when, in reality, you have simply found a replacement for Mom or Dad.
All really good relationships have an element of healing within their dynamics, and there are times when the woman plays Mommy for her partner and he plays Daddy for her. However when you live out these roles, the majority of the time, you are using the relationship to remain in a childlike or irresponsible state.
Words from Rose
I want to share something with you from my practice. If you tend to be the other partner in these kind of relationships, or would like to find a partner with a large age gap with you, try to be aware that there can be a demand from your partner financially, emotionally and mentally. There are two situations you need to understand before you decide to have a partner who is much younger:
You would prepare yourself to be a “Sugar Daddy”. Women who are generally after or accept a large age gap, have expectations from you to provide them with more than a partner of a compatible age would be able to or unwilling to. I had a 23yo girl who was willing to meet 45yo guys. She told me she actually wanted someone who could support her, so she did not have to work. In today’s world, couples at their 20s usually both work to build up life together. You can hardly find a 23old guy who is able or willing to support a wife who stays home. So the reason she is willing to go for an older man is that the older man has better financial and emotional stability to provide an easy life for her. She trades her youth for money and a comfortable life; the older man trades his effort, money, and emotional caretaker role for the joy of youth and beauty. In other words, he needs to work harder in that type of relationship in order to keep his young partner happy.
The relationship may not last long or forever. There is nothing wrong with dependent relationships as long as both partners are happy. However, A) a dependent person who refuses to take responsibility of themselves can become draining in time. As a result, your passion may fade more quickly than usual with the extra demand on you; B) once the other partner grows spiritually or becomes older, they may leave you or become dissatisfied with you. Asian ladies tend to accept a partner with bigger age gaps, primarily due to the sense of financial and emotional security they need. From my experience, Asian ladies who are new to Australia without permanent residency or economic stability, tend to accept bigger age differences. Once they become financially independent, or obtain permanent residency, the situation can often significantly change.