Positive Thinking in Dating – Mind Your Inner Dialog

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Positive thinking in dating –  Mind your inner dialog

What you put in your mind becomes your reality ( 2/7/2017)

A few weeks ago I published news letter about marriages of two couples who met through our service.  After that,  I received a response from a man. I would like to share and discuss with you in case you might find it useful in your dating. This is what he wrote:

“ Thats promising. Don’t think I will ever have a soul mate in my life. really wish every day to have someone in my life. Thank you Rose “

Did you see the mixed messages from his words?  He wishes every day to have someone in life; however he doesn’t believe he will ever have one….

The chances are, guess all of you can see: it will be hard for him to have someone who wants to stay with him. Why? Simple, his doubts about having a partner will be shown in his communication with people or through his body language. He is telling people he is not sure. Who wants to be with someone who is full of doubts and shaky?

If he has no faith in having a soul mate, who would risk her emotional evergy by getting involved with him?

We often hear women saying “ men only want one thing….” . If you look into the story of those women, they tend to have repeated dating experience with men like that.

However, what caused that experience? In many cases, it could have happened in this way:

A man is sincerely looking for a long term partner. When he meets a woman who has doubts in her mind “ is he looking for one thing?”, he can sense from her reaction of judging him negatively and her distrust. He turns around and leaves straightaway. He is gone to look for a woman who is happy and inviting them with a cheerful attitude.

On the other hand, a sleazy man will go ahead to have fling with her and then leave. He also goes away to look for another woman who makes him feel wanting to do the right thing. But for her, he confirmed her idea: “ all men are looking for one thing “.

Each time this happens, this lady will have more experience which proves her belief. And gradually it becomes her reality of dating. (Of course there are ways to change this or avoid this experience in the first place; we shall discuss it with women in more details. Ring me if you like to discuss soon. )

I also remember a client who came to see me in early 2003. She was a big eyed beautiful girl of 32 years of age, bubbly, warm, confident. Walking into my door, as soon as she sat down, she said to me:

” Rose, I don’t think I can find a man who wants to marry me. Every time I fall in love with a man, he will dump me.”

Can you see how contradictory it was?  She came to a dating service looking for a husband, and she declared as a belief that she will be dumped by man she falls in love with. She did have a couple of failed relationships in the past. However simply making a conclusion men will dump her whenever she falls in love with them, was like closing her door for a nice man. In her mind, she banned herself opportunities of meeting a sincere man who wants to commit and marry her.

Over the following years I tried many ways to help her meet a decent man. She had trouble either to relax and take time slowly in dating or to show commitment. Once she was going to marry a man only 3 weeks after their first meeting, then one week after, she broke up with him with anger. Another time I organized a party on her birthday, inviting several potential men to meet her. She didn’t show at the party, leaving all of us facing the birthday cake, disappointed.  After that, she stayed out of our list dated a few men who were significantly younger than her, and ended up saying guys only wanted one thing.

Now its 2014, 12 years passed since I met her.  I rang her to say hello recently, and found out she is still single.

No matter what other personal issues she has, her life reality has proven her negative idea about dating.

What we put in our mind becomes our reality. Do not under estimate the power of our mind.  It applies to dating as well. So be very careful with your inner dialog.