Are you happy?

Everyone wants to be around with a happy person. So the number one on your check list is simple: Are you happy now on your own?

Some  people come to me saying: I have everything but I am not happy because I am single…..I will be happy when I have a husband/wife…etc.

If you expect to be filled with happiness by your partner or someone you meet?  You are presenting yourself as a black hole to suck their energy. You may temporarily attract someone. And chances are, either your partner will be drained soon by your neediness, or your will attract a character who manipulates on your neediness because you have it written on your forehead ” I can not be living without you “.  A positive, level headed person will pick it up that you are looking for a care taker, and walk away.

A real happy soul will always remain happy no matter what happens externally. You can have no money, no house, sick, betrayed by your long term partner, etc. You can still be happy with what you have and how you are.  If YOU CAN BE IN THIS CONDITION, YOU ARE READY TO CONTRIBUTE TO A HAPPY, HEALTHY RELATIONSHIP.

Are you available?

If you are still emotionally attached to your ex even if you are physically separated, you will not be able to attract a right person. You may not be aware of this, but you still talk about your divorce, grudge your ex who broke your heart and took away your kids and house!  People can detect it without you talking. Your vibes will tell people your heart is not there.

Draw a line with the past if you have made the decision. Be honest with yourself about your emotion.

Some separated couples agree with each to keep in touch as friends, having coffee, lunch, going to dinners sometimes; support each other when in need. On the other hand both are looking for new candidates for future relationship.

Very tricky on this one. They say they are just friends because they are not sleeping together. I am afraid it is rather naive if you think you are available for a new relationship.

A relationship involves mental, physical, emotional, and spiritual activities between the two partners.  If you can have coffee, lunch, movies with your ex, you are sharing each other’s company mentally and emotionally and even spiritually. You can be still occupied with each other in those aspects of life. The space has left for a new person to fill in is only physical involvement. If you do hit it off with a new person at this stage and get physically involved, you are taking the risk of being accused of using someone for sex!  Why? ( more will be discussed later )

Reversely, some people stay in physical contact with their ex while both set out looking for a new partner. The statement is “we are helping each other while we do not have someone else “.

One man made an appointment coming to see me yesterday, and he failed his appointment, when asked, said ” My ex girlfriend wore me out last night!”. I said ” If you have someone to sleep with, why bother to look for someone? ” He said: ” It was an one off thing . She lives in QLD and already has a new man. ”

It is not uncommon that people do this, although some situation can come across more subtle and more complex. It happens to people with any education level.
These people are often found very fussy and hard to get “connections” with the new person they meet.Their libido has a back door of outlet, no wonder nobody is beautiful enough for them.
Are you in short term relationships frequently?
You must stay single to empty your inner space for your partner.

If you constantly go out with someone new or change partners frequently, you lose the instinct of judging your feelings, because your energy is scattered.  More importantly you lose your attraction as a potential partner. People who has focus and able to make someone feel special are most attractive. I often find widowed people or people just come out of a long term relationship are generally more sincere and attractive even if sometimes they are not yet ready for a committed relationship. Young people who are new to the dating’s game are of course very easy to attract a partner. Single people who have very few experiences in casual dating are also quite in demand.

If you jump from one relationship to another, you have more chance to make the same mistakes again and again. You need a rest to retain your energy, to refresh your soul, to be yourself in order to be attractive.

Only when you are totally detached, are you ready to attract your perfect partner. Don’t look too hard, look within. Let your partner come look for you.